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Construction Definitions

From Draftsperson.net


CONTRACTOR – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.

BID OPENING – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

BID – A wild guess carried out to two decimal points.

LOW BIDDER – A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ENGINEERS ESTIMATE – The cost of construction in heaven.

PROJECT MANAGER – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD – A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and baloney. Usually applied at random with a shotgun.

STRIKE – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

DELAYED PAYMENT – a tourniquet applied at the pockets.

COMPLETION DATE – The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

AUDITOR – People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

LAWYER – People who go in after the Auditors and strip the bodies.

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